Watching I Love Lucy for the fourth time. It's one of my favourite TV series. In this video, you can feel the love between Lucille Ball and Desi Arnaz. They were so in love, and he treasured her a lot. Yet he cheated on her so many times, that they eventually had a divorce. Season 8 of the show was filmed amidst quarrels and divorce proceedings. "Men are jerks".

Reading tweets to this lady who has clinical depression and was tweeting about her suicide, all the way to right before her attempt. There were tweets putting her down and calling her attention-seeking. I don't know her personally but I doubt she is attention-seeking. Because if she is, she would respond to the multitude of tweets she received and prolong the entire scene. There were superficial tweets ("living is better!", "dun die :(", "ice cream > death", "ARE YOU OKAY??!!" and "at least give me your cats before you die"). Yes, I know you were trying to express concern. But half of the tweets sound very cursory. If your care and concern really worked, she wouldn't be in the A&E ward right now.

The extensive media coverage on depression covers the symptoms of this illness. But it has not prepped us on how to interact with sufferers of depression.

Recovery from depression is particularly arduous because the sufferers usually keep things bottled up, even from their loved ones. They've possibly tried revealing the truth. But most of the time, they receive awkward silences, get called "attention-seeking" or "annoying", or get superficial responses.

Please understand that no one chooses to be depressed. A person might say things that sounds attention-seeking to you. Sometimes she might be, but it usually is a cry for help. Also, you might not know what to say or feel really awkward. But all you need to do is to lend a listening ear at times or do little acts of kindness to cheer that person up.

I cannot imagine a life together with someone who doesn't read. Books, I mean.

I'm a person who can live without music (not surprisingly considering I don't have an ounce of musical ability in me, and I can't hold a tune or even a rhythm to save my life). But I cannot live without books. I can eat and shower with just my right hand; the left is reserved for holding a book.

He doesn't have to read intellectual tomes (because I don't). But someone who can't even sit through Harry Potter or the Chrestomanci series (my biggest indulgence)... I don't know.

Nothing makes a relationship more exciting than a trip to the bookstore and getting books to accompany your afternoon date. Lazing in bed together with good books. Sharing your favourite books. Exchanging thoughts on books. Pure bliss.

this journal has been around for five years ten months, and i always assumed that it'll be around for more to come. yet this will probably be the last entry that i write here. as i grew older (not sure about becoming more matured, as maturity doesn't always come with age), i begin to outgrow all forms of social media. facebook was the first to go - i revived my account to avoid questions of "why did you disable your facebook?" - but i think i probably still can survive without it. this journal is the next to go. and gradually, i think my twitter account with its pathetic number of followings/followers will disappear too. it's the last to go, purely because i limit its accessibility to people i can count with my fingers and toes.. sure the Web 2.0/3.0 has its perks, but i begin to find it intrusive.

I'm an ambivert - someone who exhibits both introversion and extroversion. some days, i crave being surrounded by a crowd. on other days, i enjoy being on my own. it's hard for me to be understood or loved because i'm a conundrum.


2010 was a strange year. only 2 months were truly enjoyable. I thought i'd be happy to be back in Singapore, but i miss the freedom to travel whenever i wanted to. I'm miserable being back in the land where i can see/hear about the activities of F, who i'm still madly in love with. I miss Amsterdam, being an Amsterdammer, despite the endless misery it gave me. I'll be back soon, Amsterdam! zie je snel, ok? tot ziens (:

they say how you spent the midnight of New Year's Eve will be how you spend the rest of the year. spent it kissing? you'll be kissing the entire year. I spent it sobbing my heart out. so i really hope that old wife's tale isn't true, or it'll be an awful year for me. I never made resolutions, but i'll try for the first time in my life. because this year, i'm an adult. and if the General Elections come after March, i can actually vote in an Opposition Ward.

I resolve to:
1. turn my half-empty glass into a half-full one
2. bring the courteous European culture back to Singapore
3. love myself more - flab and all
4. love everyone in my life more
5. study hard, and work hard

 it's been 4 months since i left Singapore, and not a day goes by without me missing the place. Amsterdam started off promising it, but it just went downhill. its only redeeming factors are the wonderful people and the snow i've been experiencing. in about 9 days, I'll be back in Singapore, and i've been grinning non-stop for about 2 days already. back in Singapore, i've lots of things to do like start a diet and exercise a lot. my weight gain here is pretty massive (the weighing scale said i was 51kg!!! i was 43 when i left :( so i must have gained like 5-6 kg. ya la 51kg was including winter coat, sweaters, jeans and shoes. but that's unimportant). we've also paid a deposit for my car. so i need to pick up driving again, and remember what it is like to be on the right side of the road.


busy packing up my life and heading back to Singapore. the daddy has a luggage allowance of 40kg, which he doesn't use. so I can have a luggage allowance of 60kg :D 9 more days! and i'll be home :) so surreal! and i'm proud to have survive Amsterdam!

someone reminded me that halfway while trying to reach my dreams, i got a little side-tracked. I started considering Marketing as a career, of course without even knowing what Marketing is about. it just sounded fun, and was one of the loves of f's life. even planned to take it as a second major! but after exposure to it, i realised that maybe Marketing isn't what i am cut out to be in. I'm too straight-laced and logical to be wildly creative. so somehow i'm back on the track to working for one of the two companies below. hehe figure out which (:

"it's a beautiful night, we're looking for something dumb to do. hey baby, i think i wanna marry you" - absolutely broke my heart. yet it's strangely addictive. perhaps along with all my other inabilities, i'm developing a side of masochism.


爱 - 不是我能捧在手里来证明我趁爱过, 我也不能拿出你的真心. 可是冷冷的冬天, 想起那五年的完美 甜蜜时光 及 我们彼此的爱, 让我的心暖和了许多. 这辈子的缘分告了个段落, 哼哼可能下辈子吧? 但不是每个人能够像我如此幸运, 不到二十就得到两次如此轰轰烈烈的爱.. 谢谢你了贝鼻~

ps google translate and my broken Mandarin makes the paragraph above incoherent.